Manifesting Joy

Recently the word joy has taken on a life of its own hasn't it? Regardless of your politics, you have probably heard much talk about it. It’s something we all want, and something that we can recognize when it’s around. But in truth, it's a little hard to define. It has many ingredients: happiness, contentment, love, and gratitude. It is easy, free, and light. It is optimistic. It is lighthearted and wise. It is all of these things, and yet none of them quite capture the essence of joy. 

Most of us can think of a person in our lives who radiates joy. I mean really, truly breathes in joy and exhales joy. Not in the “everything is going my way and I’m on top of the world” kind of glee, but rather, in a deeper sense of being joyful. These people are rare, but they are out there, and if one walks into your life you know it. These people aren’t joyful because anything particular happened. They aren’t joyful because things are going their way. In fact, they seem to be able to be joyful regardless. They are joyful even when they are sad. Even when life seems to be in the gutter. 

In our culture it seems that there is a common belief that we are all entitled to feel good. That if we do everything right, if we practice this, or implement that, if we manifest, manifest, manifest, we will get joy, love, freedom. These messages seem lovely, hopeful, optimistic. The problem is that these messages are mostly attached to things going our way. If I manifest hard enough, or work passionately enough I will get the job, the clients, the money. I will find the perfect partner, relationship. Have the perfect child. The cultural messaging is that we are all born to be special, born to be great, entitled to greatness, and happiness and joy. And in this way joy and happiness are directly connected to things going my way. 

But life is lifey. The human experience is full of ups and downs. Highs and lows. Wins and fails. We grieve, we hurt, we suffer. We stub our toes and lose our jobs and fight with our loved ones. Our loved ones die. Relationships end. Growing pains endure. And no human, ever, has made it through their lives without this kind of pain and suffering. Not one. And we won’t either. 

So the idea that if “I just have the right attitude these things won’t happen” can sell a lot of books and get a lot of likes on social media, but it will not eliminate suffering. 

But what if we untie joy from the absence of suffering. What if we could feel disappointment, anger, frustration, and grief AND feel joy at the same time. 

How?

The first requirement is that we realize, accept, and even embrace the idea that it’s part of the human experience to suffer. Having hard things happen in life is normal. It’s okay. It’s part of growth. It’s inevitable. And sometimes…if we try really hard, we can see how it is beautiful. It is all these things, but most importantly, we can come to practice reminding ourselves that it is temporary. All suffering, all hard things, all the hard stuff is in a state of change and doesn’t last. The other side of that coin is that the same is true of the good stuff. All of our favorite moments, our glee, our cherished relationships and fun-filled experiences. All of our wins are also transitory and they also will inevitably come to an end. 

The human experience is in constant motion, constant state of change. And the people who resonate joy seem to know that. They seem to be able to hold some space between their experience of themselves and the things that life throws at them. So how do we do that? 

Here are some practices to get us started.

• Find your body. Throughout the day, can you bring your awareness to your body? While the kids are running around, while dinner is burning, while the computer is buffering, while your boss is grumbling, while the teen isn’t cleaning their room…find your body. Feel your toes, your fingertips, your breath filling up your chest. Notice it. Can you feel yourself separate from the thing that is happening? You might be surprised what a difference it makes to find yourself separate from the chaos. 

• Find where joy lives in your body. Close your eyes and remember a joyful time. Think of a cherished friend, an exuberant memory, a beloved moment. Think of your dog jumping around or your kiddo giggling. Imagine these things and feel your body  soften (it’s okay if it’s just a little). Notice where you feel it. In your eyes? Does your mouth turn into a slight smile? Does your chest swell a little? Does your head feel light? Find it in your body and observe it. Study it. Memorize it. And then practice it. Find this feeling, intentionally, as many times during the day as you can. You don’t have to wait for something good to happen, you can actually create it. 

• Keep a joy journal. Intentionally start to notice, write, and reflect on things that bring you joy throughout the day. Maybe you noticed a leaf fall from a tree and had a little moment of awe in your body. Maybe you heard a song and felt your chest swell with emotion. Maybe you sat quietly and watched some children play. The more you do this, the more you will realize that the big wins happen pretty rarely in reality. But the feelings of joy, awe, and gratitude are actually present in our brains and bodies for little everyday moments all the time. 

The goal is to start to realize that the feeling of joy is a state of mind, without it being dependent on things going right. If we can do this, then YES we can absolutely manifest joy. We can absolutely feel entitled to feel joy every day. We can live a truly joyful life. And we can even start to feel joy and pain simultaneously. The wonder of being a human will never cease to amaze us. And that is what joy is all about.