couples work

Marriage or couples counseling is a gift we give to ourselves as well as our partners. Relationships are hard and learning how to have safety in our most intimate relationships is the human quest. Secure relationships mean that we can have conflict AND feel love and safety at the same time. Our couples work is more than just planning more date nights, juggling household chores and learning how to use non-violent communication, although all that is certainly important. It is about learning our own, and our partners,  nervous systems and how we respond to each other. It’s about learning how to co-regulate each other so that we can each be our own true selves, side by side in a chosen relationship. 

 

Often this work of tending to our attachment patterns and nervous systems is better achieved if we find some spaciousness in our therapy. Starting with a couple extended sessions or a private retreat can really help us be more effective when we move to hour sessions. Many couples find that one three hour session a month is exponentially more productive than one hour a week, and I tend to agree.